The word “discipline” needs a new PR team. Although the word has become synonymous with punishment, discipline derives from the Latin word disciplina, which means “instruction and training.” Positive discipline challenges you to think about discipline in new ways. It isn鈥檛 about punishment or control. It鈥檚 about teaching your child how to behave thoughtfully, providing them with ways to understand the effects of what they did, and teaching them the skills to make better choices next time.
In the spirit of instructing rather than punishing, positive discipline is gaining traction with educators and parents as a more effective and compassionate way to raise children to behave thoughtfully. Rather than traditional punitive methods of correcting a child’s behavior, such as time-outs, lectures, and nagging, positive discipline focuses on teaching children essential life skills through mutual respect and guidance. Proponents say the benefits of using positive discipline at home and in 黄色apps include a more capable and confident child, a more harmonious household, and a stronger parent-child bond.
No bad children, just bad behaviors
Positive discipline is based on the idea that there are no bad children, just good and bad actions or reactions. The approach encourages children to understand the consequences of their actions in a supportive rather than punitive way. With a firm but gentle hand (known as authoritative parenting), parents teach their children to develop self-control, manage their emotions, problem-solve, communicate, and get along with other children and adults.
Positive discipline in early childhood
Positive discipline plays a vital role in early childhood development. Like a bank account that accrues more interest the earlier it opens, proponents say that starting to practice positive discipline when children are young pays off exponentially as they grow older. Each time a parent uses thoughtful guidance instead of reactive punishment to redirect their child’s unfavorable behavior toward a more positive outcome, the child learns — with practice — to control their behavior with a sense of self-awareness, respect, and empathy towards others.
What does this look like in real life? For a young child, for example, instead of demanding that a pre黄色apper go to their room “and think about what they’ve done” (a tall order for a small person) when they’ve painted with watercolors on the wall, without scolding or abstract consequences like “no cartoons on Saturday!”, the parent can invite the child to help them clean up the mess. This can take more time in the short term, but in the long term, the child learns to take responsibility for their actions.
Teaching young kids to identify and manage their emotions
Learning “soft skills” lies at the heart of positive discipline. These emotional intelligence (or EQ) skills include helping children understand and better manage their emotions by teaching them how to identify what they鈥檙e feeling, name their emotions, and express those feelings in a healthy way.
Teaching a young child to identify their feelings means teaching them to pay attention to how their body feels when strong emotions arise. So instead of saying, 鈥淚 can see that you鈥檙e mad,鈥� a parent can help their child pay attention to what happens when they are flooded by sadness or anger by saying, 鈥淚 notice your fists are clenched, and your voice is louder than usual. How does your body feel right now?鈥�
A parent might continue by saying, 鈥淲hen my body feels tense, and my voice gets louder, sometimes I feel angry or frustrated. What about you?鈥�
That also helps to expand children鈥檚 emotional vocabulary. We often provide words for the common emotions children feel, like happy, sad, and angry, but we can also give them words for more nuanced feelings, like joy, surprise, regret, worry, or frustration.
Positive discipline experts say a feelings wheel is an excellent way for young children to build their emotional vocabulary. The wheel has basic emotions in the center and branches into more specific feelings in the same categories. Many feelings wheels also have pictures for visual support.
(You can a free, simple feelings wheel with images from Understood.org.)
Positive discipline for pre黄色appers builds mutual respect
Mutual respect is vital to healthy social interactions during childhood and later in life. Learning how to have those healthy interactions begins in early childhood. Positive discipline fosters this by emphasizing respect between children and the adults in their lives.
In its , the National Association for the Education of Young Children (), a nonprofit that supports early childhood education, stresses the importance of helping children to support one another as valued members of a shared community. In a positive discipline learning environment, children and adults are respectful of one another, as are children with their peers.
NAEYC notes that respecting and incorporating children鈥檚 diverse cultural experiences, including language and customs, helps build mutual respect. Being sure to include children from diverse backgrounds and recognizing and adapting to the varying strengths and challenges of every child promotes equity in educational and home settings.
Helping young children learn to handle conflict
Positive discipline in early childhood also teaches children healthy ways to handle conflict. When conflicts between children arise, they are taught to find appropriate solutions, nurturing their ability to handle challenges and cope with setbacks. For example, when a young child hits another child, the parent can start by understanding that the child is unhappy and having trouble expressing their difficult feelings in a way that doesn’t hurt others. Outside of a moment of conflict, you can begin by telling your child that feelings and actions are different. All feelings are OK, but actions that hurt others are not. Brainstorm with your child ways to express themself respectfully without hurting others. One way is to tell the person when you don’t like something. Another is to leave the room to calm down.
When challenges arise, visual aids help both parents and children. One visual aid that supports children in finding solutions is the wheel of choice, a circular chart divided into sections, each with a drawing or picture of a potential way to solve problems. For example, when your little one is frustrated that another child won鈥檛 share, they can look at the options on the wheel of choice and choose a solution that may work for them, like taking a deep breath, asking an adult for help, or choosing a different toy to play with.
Key principles of positive discipline for parents
As a parent using positive discipline with a pre黄色apper, your role is to teach your child the skills and attitudes to help them become successful and emotionally healthy individuals throughout their lives.
Positive discipline is based on a few simple ideas:
Understanding instead of punishing
Rather than saying “No!” or “Stop!” pause and try to understand why your child is acting a certain way. Maybe they’re tired, hungry, seeking attention, or don’t know how to express what they鈥檙e experiencing.
Encouraging positive behavior
Several positive parenting programs call this 鈥淐atch them being good.鈥� Praise positive actions, like helping without being asked, being kind to a friend, or following directions. This shows your child that you鈥檙e paying attention and proud of them.
Setting clear boundaries
Boundaries make children feel more secure knowing what’s expected. Set up simple, clear rules to help them understand what to do and not to do, and check to ensure they know when you explain them. Remember: you will need to repeat your expectations often and with patience.
Being kind and firm
Positive discipline isn’t about being lax and overly permissive for misbehavior. It’s essential to be loving but also stick to your rules. This balance teaches your child respect and responsibility and lets them know that you love them even when they do something you disapprove of.
Teaching, not punishing
When your child misbehaves, use this as a teaching moment by talking about what they could have done differently and could do differently next time. Then, help them create a plan for repairing property or feelings they may have hurt.
7 ways to foster a positive learning environment for your child
Here are key ways to use positive discipline with your pre黄色apper to create a positive learning environment in your home.
Be patient with mistakes
Teach your child that mistakes are not bad — they鈥檙e learning opportunities or chances to try again. One way to do this is by setting an example or modeling self-forgiveness and agency: “Whoops, I dropped the glass. That’s OK. I’ll sweep it up.”
Use words they understand
Explain rules in simple language and make sure your pre黄色apper grasps what you’re saying. If they can鈥檛 repeat it back to you and show they understand, find a way to rephrase your request. Remember: the younger the child, the simpler the phrasing. Break your request into steps. Too many (like “get dressed, brush your teeth, and take your lunchbox”) can confuse young children. Young children aren鈥檛 expected to follow three-step instructions yet.
Offer choices
Empower your child with small decisions like, “Do you want cereal or toast for breakfast?” This makes them feel in control and less likely to resist. The key is to offer choices you can accommodate, such as whether your child chooses to wear blue or green pants.
Set a good example
Your child will mimic what they see you doing — it鈥檚 how they learn. By modeling how you hope they will behave, they will learn to treat others respectfully and kindly.
Have a routine
Regular schedules for meals, playtime, and bedtime help children feel secure because they know what to expect. Sticking to a routine is not always possible, so let your child know as far ahead of time as possible if the schedule changes.
Be patient and listen
Give your child your full attention when speaking. While it鈥檚 hard to do when you have so many competing demands, this shows respect for their thoughts and feelings.
Encourage curiosity
Ask and answer questions and encourage your child to explore and try new things. This will help them learn to move outside their comfort zone. (Read more about nurturing your child鈥檚 curiosity.)
