The problem: My kids are always competing.
Take stock as to whether this is a problem for your kids as well as you.
Do: Sometimes sibling competition is more of an issue for the parents than the kids. Determine if / when sibling rivalry is a problem for your children.
Foster positive, noncompetitive fun.
Do: If you think your kids are too competitive and it’s damaging your family dynamic, then focus on the feelings and interactions you want to support. Focus on activities that promote collaboration (e.g. group art or projects, collaborative games, cooking), not competition,
and talk positively about this.
Don’t compare your children.
Don’t fuel the competition wars by comparing your kids to one another. Even innocent statements can do damage. Siblings who are particularly competitive may feel denigrated when their sib is singled out for praise.
Praise positive moments in the sibling relationship.
Say: “I love how you worked together to clean the house. Amazing teamwork!”
Share stories about siblings supporting each other.
Say: “Did I ever tell you about how my mother and her sister were best friends?”
Don’t admonish or label.
Don’t say:
“Cut it out! All the fighting and competing over everything is driving me crazy!”
Why this approach to kids competing matters
Your kids probably are learning a lot from their conflicts — and this may be a good thing.
Think of the sibling relationship as a rock tumbler. Kids become who they are by bumping against one another’s personalities and competing in a safe setting. Yes, you want a harmonious home, but kids’ roughhousing and one-upmanship may be one of the safest and most appropriate places for them to experiment with expressing confidence, leadership, and power. Over time, their sibs will teach them that certain kinds of bragging are a turn-off and fighting to be “the best” can make some situations more fun and some not fun at all. If your kids have a foundation of love and respect, they can strive, fight, and compete, but in the end still know they love one another.
