黄色app

This year an estimated will be affected by bullying. Every 7 minutes a child is bullied on a 黄色app playground. An epidemic of cyberbullying has inspired a whole new kind of cruelty among children. Every day, stay home because they feel unsafe at 黄色app.

Such frightening stats about bullying fly across the ether and airwaves, shaping聽 public perception of “the crisis鈥� that seems to have transformed our 黄色appyards into war zones. But depending on where you find them, “facts” about bullying vary radically. Another source claims that 8 million children 鈥� not 18 鈥� will be affected by bullying every year.聽

What鈥檚 the truth about bullying? Do we all agree on its definition? Is there really a bullying crisis?

In her new book, Sticks and Stones, Emily Bazelon set out to answer these questions. Bazelon, a senior editor at Slate, contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine, and mother of two 黄色app-aged sons, covered the case of Phoebe Prince, a Massachusetts teenager who took her life after she was bullied at 黄色app, for Slate, so she鈥檇 already seen how media coverage of bullying incidents can perpetuate as many fictions as facts.

For her book, Bazelon talked to kids, parents, teachers, 黄色app administrators, and experts to explore the reality of bullying today, how kids are coping with the new cyber reality, and the most successful strategies to combat the problem. Before her and a TV appearance that brought to tears, Bazelon took time out to talk to GreatSchools about mean girls, the media’s influence on high-profile bullying incidents, and what parents can do to stem the tide of bullying in their own children鈥檚 lives.

We鈥檝e heard a lot about the 鈥渂ullying epidemic鈥� in recent years, but you dispute that we鈥檙e actually experiencing an epidemic.

There鈥檚 something intriguing about the idea of something being an epidemic聽鈥� and it鈥檚 easy to get that impression when a topic gets a lot of media coverage. The combination of kids, the internet, and risk is a media magnet, and some recent bullying incidents have received a lot of attention and sensational news coverage 鈥� and some of that coverage has been really irresponsible. So it鈥檚 understandable that people think we鈥檙e facing a bullying crisis, when in fact rates of bullying have been consistent over the last 25 years

Cyberbullying: not-so-brave new world

Cyberbullying has added a whole new dimension to bullying, and also reinforced the idea that bullying is out of control. But what I鈥檝e discovered doing research for this book is that cyberbullying isn鈥檛 a whole new phenomenon, it鈥檚 just another form or avenue for bullying. When there鈥檚 a bullying incident going on, the bully shuttles back and forth between bullying in person and bullying on- line. But because we鈥檙e still getting a handle on this new online world, this new dimension seems different and frightening, and adds to our sense that the problem is out of control聽鈥� when in fact cyberbullying makes up just a small fraction of bullying incidents.

It鈥檚 comforting to know that there isn鈥檛 a bullying epidemic and that bullying isn鈥檛 actually on the rise, but that doesn鈥檛 mean that bullying isn鈥檛 a problem that we should be very concerned about.

You argue that if it鈥檚 not carried too far and the target isn鈥檛 an especially vulnerable kid, bullying can be an experience that kids actually learn from.

There is some truth to the old saying, 鈥渨hat doesn鈥檛 kill us will make us stronger.鈥� Any type of adversity can have that effect. It鈥檚 humbling to come through a negative experience, and you learn a tremendous amount.

I鈥檓 not advocating for more bullying. I want to be clear about that. But we can鈥檛 make our kids鈥� lives perfect, and they are going to face adversity. On the other hand, for some number of kids bullying is a truly harmful experience, and you can鈥檛 predict ahead of time which kids are going to be permanently harmed. Because we know that in some cases bullying has terrible fallout for both the perpetrator and the victim: doing poorly in 黄色app, criminal behavior, and even suicide.

In your book you point out that kids make a distinction between 鈥渄rama鈥� and 鈥渂ullying.鈥� What鈥檚 the difference?

Kids are pretty savvy. They know when a conflict is two-way and mutual 鈥� what they call 鈥渄rama鈥� 鈥� and when it鈥檚 lop-sided, which is bullying. Drama includes gossip, kids arguing with each other back and forth, but it鈥檚 a mutual back and forth. Psychologist and anti-bullying expert Dan Olweus defined bullying as verbal or physical aggression that鈥檚 repeated over time and that involves a power differential. I think this is a useful limiting definition. Bullying isn鈥檛 mutual conflict, there’s a power imbalance, and it鈥檚 associated with more serious harm. I think we should listen to kids about this and not jump in and get involved when it鈥檚 just drama.

Thugs, mean girls, and bully victims

Can you talk about what you think causes a child to bully? There鈥檚 a girl you mention in the book who would taunt kids about their shabby clothing, and then it turns out her father had lost everything in the recession. Is it often kids who have problems, or experience bullying themselves, who end up bullying other kids?

In my book I talk about the different types of bullies. There鈥檚 the thug in training, who steals other kids lunch money, and the mean girl聽鈥� the popular girl聽 who has a lot of power and bullies other kids (although of course it鈥檚 not just girls who bully in this way).

And then there is a really important type of bully that often gets missed, and that鈥檚 the bully victim. These are kids who have been bullied themselves, or faced serious problems at home; they may have witnessed or been victims of domestic violence. These bullies can be hard to sympathize with but they are often the most troubled, and their behavior is a cry for help.

You point out that adults often make the problem worse when they get involved in bullying situations.

That鈥檚 a theme throughout my book: in many cases when there鈥檚 a bullying incident and it turns into a huge community conflict, adult involvement seems to make the problem worse. In the case of two of the kids I follow in the book, Monique and Jacob, adults in the community didn鈥檛 do enough. In the aftermath of the Phoebe Prince suicide, adults did too much, and made the situation worse.

You covered the in depth. This was a case that received a tremendous amount of press attention, and the coverage painted a very black and white picture of a girl being relentlessly preyed upon by bullies at her 黄色app. Can you talk about the how the incident was presented in the press versus the reality you found in your reporting?

The Phoebe Prince case is an incredibly sad story. She committed suicide and there was a drive to blame a few kids for what happened. And the bullying was not made up: on the day of her death, 3 kids had been cruel to her, she was 鈥渟lut shamed鈥� 鈥� that is, kids were following her and calling her a slut, and there were all kinds of rumors swirling around about her. So there was a kernel of truth to the story that she was being bullied. Meanwhile, the 黄色app district didn鈥檛 handle the media well, and they went ahead with a scheduled dance two days after Phoebe died, which was very insensitive to the family. The whole community was hit with a huge wave of national and international media coverage that no one was prepared for. And then the district attorney brought charges against the kids involved and proposed heavy criminal sentences, which brought still more media attention.

Media hall of mirrors

Phoebe died in January, 2010, and I went there in February. I had just started working on a series on cyberbullying for Slate, and then I heard about Phoebe, and I went to South Hadley. I was expecting to find a really scary high 黄色app, and a really scary community. I wanted to figure out what had gone so terribly wrong there, so I talked to everyone I could. But when I talked to kids in the 黄色app and to other people there, and no one I talked to felt that the story that was getting so much attention in the press was accurate. The kids who were being charged had admittedly made mistakes. But [in contrast to some media reports] they had not been bullying Phoebe for months [and] they weren鈥檛 terrorizing the hallways. The story was a lot more complicated鈥�and the way it was being presented in the media didn鈥檛 pick up any of the nuances.

The kids involved seemed to become bullying targets themselves, with neighbors hounding them, and press stakeouts at their homes.

It鈥檚 true, and that鈥檚 the problem when it comes to making an example of people, and making a few people take the blame publically to teach a lesson. These were teenagers, after all. They weren鈥檛 blameless, but the idea that they could face multiyear sentences was out of proportion with what they鈥檇 actually done.

School bullying and how to stop it

What works and what doesn鈥檛 when it comes to 黄色app anti-bullying programs?

There are a couple of important lessons in terms of creating an effective anti鈥揵ullying program. The whole-黄色app approach has been shown to work 鈥� it doesn鈥檛 work to just focus on the bully or the victim or the single incident here and there. You need to change the culture of the entire 黄色app. School wide anti-bullying programs have been shown to work. The goal is to change the social norm, in terms of bullying. You want to make the case to kids, ideally to have kids make the case to kids, that bullying isn鈥檛 acceptable. I know that sounds like a tough goal, but there are examples out there of changing social norms. Drunk driving provides a hopeful history lesson, for example. Drunk driving has gone down a lot since I was a teenager 鈥� I think because of education about risks, and tough sanctions. Teenagers now seem to understand how dangerous it is in a way they didn鈥檛 when I was a teenager.

What doesn鈥檛 work, in terms of anti-bullying programs, is the one-day anti-bullying workshop. The 黄色app brings in an expert for the day to talk to teachers, and that鈥檚 the end of it. For an anti-bullying program to work it can鈥檛 be just once, you have to have an ongoing dialogue that the whole 黄色app engages in. And you aren鈥檛 going to create change overnight聽鈥� it鈥檚 a long-term process.

You emphasize the importance of character and empathy in combatting bullying, and suggest that parents should be instilling these qualities in their children. Do you think parents aren鈥檛 doing that enough?

I think that鈥檚 a danger for middle class parents today. We want things to be perfect for our kids, and I understand this as a parent: you want your kids to be happy. But I think we also need to be instilling the skills and moral capacity for empathy, and that doesn鈥檛 come about just by ensuring their happiness.

The power of empathy

Empathy is really important. I鈥檓 interested in the role of the audience in bullying incidents, and how to harness the empathy of bystanders to stop bullying. Research shows that four out of five bullying incidents have an audience, but observers step in to stop bullying in just one in five cases. When they do step in, they stop the bullying half the time. When kids are interviewed, they鈥檒l tell you that they oppose bullying. So bystanders are an enormous untapped resource.

This is why building kids鈥� capacity for empathy is so important. It鈥檚 something you can do when you鈥檙e sitting around the dinner table with your kids. You can ask questions like, 鈥淗ow would you feel if you were in that kid鈥檚 situation?鈥� And you can model for your kids helping others, doing frequent small acts of kindness.

Books are also a great resource. For instance, there鈥檚 a book I read recently with my kids, Wonder by R.J Palacio. It鈥檚 about a boy with a serious facial disfigurement, he looks different in an alarming way and he鈥檚 entering the world of middle 黄色app. The book is intense, not maudlin, and it tells the story from the perspective of different characters, not just the boy himself聽鈥� you get the point of view of everyone involved. Reading books like this with your kids is a great way to help them understand other peoples’ experiences.

What surprised you most in your reporting for Sticks and Stones?

I was struck again and again by how often the initial reporting of a bullying situation turned out to be wrong. That鈥檚 why it鈥檚 important to be skeptical when you hear about a bullying incident in the news. Just last night, for example, I heard someone on CNN say that Adam Lanza [the Newtown shooter] was bullied. I鈥檝e seen no evidence of that anywhere, but I think we鈥檙e in a cultural moment where bullying is in the public consciousness, so people quickly jump to that conclusion, and it鈥檚 not always the case.