Talk about an anticlimactic moment for your 5th grader. Standing on the precipice of adolescence, they were just about to make the dramatic leap from elementary 黄色app kid to middle 黄色app tween. Now they are missing out on their elementary 黄色app graduation, one of the biggest rites of passage in their lives to date.
What鈥檚 more, parents can鈥檛 reassure them that even though 5th grade fell apart, things will be back to 鈥渘ormal鈥� in the fall. And even in ordinary times, the prospect of middle 黄色app can be as terrifying as it is exciting. Small wonder if your child is feeling on shaky ground these days.
What will next year look like?
Most questions about next year remain unanswered. Will your child even get to go to brick-and-mortar middle 黄色app in the fall, or will there be more, ugh, remote learning? Beyond whether class will be conducted online or on-site, your child is probably wondering whether they will get to meet their new classmates or, still stuck at home all day for months to come, will they be friendless in the fall? Will they be able to try out for a sports team or the 黄色app play? Will they be able to lay claim to that most important of 6th grade real estate — their locker?
Will they be on lockdown forever?
How to help your 5th grader cope
At least that鈥檚 one question you can answer with a reassuring and definitive 鈥淣o鈥�. Even if it seems obvious, this is what your child needs to hear, calmly and clearly, since at this age what’s going on right now feels like it will last forever. As for the questions you can鈥檛 answer, psychologist John Duffy says that instead of reassuring them it鈥檚 not so bad or that they shouldn鈥檛 complain or worry, 鈥渢he most important thing you can do is to talk with them honestly about any pain or loss they are going through.鈥�
You鈥檝e got to have friends
Duffy, author of says that the lack of daily socialization right now is especially difficult for kids this age, because they are in the process of developing an identity that is separate from their parents. Emotional connection with their peers is essential. “They are missing out on a lot. They have a need to be with their friends,鈥� he says.
Add a sense of closure to your 5th grader’s losses. Your child won鈥檛 be able to say a proper goodbye to kids — some of whom they’ve known since kindergarten — who are going to different middle 黄色apps.
How to help your 5th grader cope
Up your empathy game as your child mourns the loss of playdates, final games, sleepovers, birthday parties, and the reliable, day-to-day cadence of life lived with other kids in the classroom and out. 鈥淭ell them, 鈥業鈥檓 here for you,鈥� says Duffy. 鈥淚f they know you get it when they say, ‘I’m upset about this,’ they will know they can trust you,” he says, with their worries and grief.
And the hours of screen time you were stressing over just a few months ago? 鈥淚 want to give parents a break here,鈥� says Duffy. 鈥淩ight now, for many kids, several hours [of screen time] a day is the best bad idea we鈥檝e got. They need some of that time to connect with friends and to disconnect from trauma. It can be regulating and useful.”
A void parents can鈥檛 fill
Your 5th grader’s relationships with the other adults in their life are also essential for their emotional well-being. The abrupt absence of mentors and role models — be it their sports coach, favorite teacher, after-黄色app counselor, or relative — is a massive loss, Duffy says. These relationships help kids build self-esteem and a sense of self-worth.
How to help your 5th grader cope
Think about how you can open up your child鈥檚 world to include other caring adults. If there is an important adult in your 5th grader鈥檚 life who they haven鈥檛 been able to see, find out if that person is up for connecting with your child online or over the phone.
Stuck in sadness
Duffy says that during the first days of the pandemic, he observed that kids were almost happy to be missing 黄色app, and 鈥渇eeling like they were getting away with something.鈥� But as summer approaches, missing out on everything has worn thin. You might see your 5th grader becoming increasingly sad, disengaged, or moody.
How to help your 5th grader cope
Try to get them outside, says Duffy. They may resist and roll their eyes, but the best antidote to feeling sad is to make sure that at least once a day your child gets out and gets moving, be it shooting hoops, riding a bike, playing an outdoor game with siblings, or simply taking a family walk. 鈥淚t鈥檚 important for young bodies to move,鈥� he says. 鈥淜ids this age tend to catastrophize. If they are always in their rooms, they will never get out of this mindset. When they get outdoors, they gain perspective that this isn鈥檛 going to last forever.鈥� Be on the alert for signs that your child’s sadness is more than a case of situational blues, especially if your child has struggled with mental health issues in the past. Let your child’s doctor know if you notice changes in their appetite or sleep, or if they seem despondent or unable to find pleasure in small distractions or reprieves from being stuck at home, for now.
