鈥淚t鈥檚 often difficult for parents when their children see someone who is different, perhaps disabled, and their child blurts out, 鈥榃hat’s wrong with him?鈥�” says Jane Healy, child development expert and author of Your Child’s Growing Mind. First, says Healy, it鈥檚 important to consider what a child is experiencing 鈥� and then help him find words to name what he鈥檚 seeing:
鈥淚t depends on their cognitive stage. Let’s assume the child is 7 years old. It’s important to realize that the child is asking the question because they are worried, frightened that they might be like that, too, eventually. Let’s say they are looking at someone in a wheelchair. A 7-year-old thinks, 鈥楪ood grief, that could happen to me!鈥� He won’t understand that the odds are unlikely.
鈥淚t helps if you put language around it and name what it is. It’s also best if you define it not as 鈥榙isabled鈥� but as 鈥榙ifferently-abled.鈥� You can say, 鈥楾hat child needs help with walking. Walking is challenging for him, but he might be very good at drawing or thinking or being a friend. We all have our differences, we are all challenged in different ways, but what is important is that we want to look at what our talents are. If the child is older, like 13, you could mention Stephen Hawking, the British theoretical physicist, who is in a wheelchair but has had a very rewarding life.鈥�
Here鈥檚 how 4 other parenting experts say to respond…
Richard Weissbourd
It鈥檚 a question that makes parents cringe, but the author of The Parents We Mean to Be says to treat the moment with compassion to avoid making the situation worse. Format: Video (1:37)
Betsy Brown Braun
Kids notice difference, says the renowned child development specialist. A parent鈥檚 job is to deftly deal with the situation to avoid embarrassment. Format: Article
Heidi Allen Garvin
The popular Mormon mom blogger suggests treating children’s questions with tact… and a big dose of compassion. Format: Article
Johanna Stein
“It’s OK. The legs are in the closet.” A series of unfortunate events followed when the comedienne鈥檚 daughter asked this question. Here鈥檚 how she responded. Format: Video (2:20)
