Does your child cry when you cry? Does she want to give a dollar to every homeless man with a cardboard sign? Or do you have the kid who noticed neither the tears nor the homeless person? The first child may have a deep natural capacity for empathy. The second child, not so much. Empathy is at the root of what it means to be human, experts say, and it鈥檚 at the core of all good relationships 鈥� personal and professional. Some children may naturally have more of it than others. But not to worry, empathy 鈥� the ability to understand and share the feelings of another 鈥� is something that experts say can be enhanced, learned, and practiced.
But that basic dictionary definition of empathy misses the depth that leads to change and creates good relationships, says empathy and parenting expert Richard Weissbourd, co-director of the Making Caring Common project at Harvard University. Beyond perspective taking, empathy can dissolve boundaries and prompt action, he says.
Could a generation of children raised to be empathic change the world? Imagine a political landscape lead by empathic people. No hunger, homelessness, or war. Imagine 黄色apps filled with empathic people. No bullying. Not to mention, homes with empathic foundations will experience less conflict.
How do you foster an empathic environment at home? Well, to teach empathy you have to show empathy. A 鈥渄o as I say, not as I do鈥� style won鈥檛 cut it. Your kids are watching you 鈥� and they copy you. Try these suggestions to strengthen your child鈥檚 empathic muscles and avoid habits that destroy an empathic mindset.
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Model caring for others
Show concern for people outside your circle, as well as your family, friends, and associates. Give the letter carrier a bottle of water on a hot day. Join the street musician in a song you know. Talk to strangers in the grocery store line.
顿辞苍鈥檛 judge others. 顿辞苍鈥檛 call people names. 顿辞苍鈥檛 be rude and disrespectful. 顿辞苍鈥檛 sit around talking smack about the neighbors, especially the ones you also hang out and barbecue with.
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Model good listening skills
Here鈥檚 how:
• Actually listen.
• Let your body language and facial expressions convey that you are listening by nodding and offering plenty of uh-huhs.
• Respond to what people say.顿辞苍鈥檛 formulate your response while someone else is still talking. And don鈥檛 interrupt.
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Be forgiving
Remember, forgiveness is not about the other person. It鈥檚 about how you act and feel. Let your child see you being the bigger person.
顿辞苍鈥檛 hold grudges, seek revenge, be mean or unkind, or give 鈥渢he silent treatment鈥� to loved ones.
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Challenge prejudices and stereotypes
Encourage your kids to be inclusive, so that means you need to be inclusive, too. What鈥檚 your group of friends like? It鈥檚 important to let your child talk about race, prejudice, and stereotypes.
顿辞苍鈥檛 be afraid to talk to your kid about race, inequality, and discrimination. If you see incidents of prejudices or stereotyping, don鈥檛 let them pass without comment.
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Help them learn to recognize, express, and manage their feelings
Your child鈥檚 other feelings could be getting in the way of their ability to feel empathy, Weissbourd says. Help your child learn to identify other people鈥檚 feelings when reading books or watching movies or TV shows.
顿辞苍鈥檛 shut your child down with phrases like, 鈥淪top. I don鈥檛 want to hear it鈥� or 鈥淏ig girls don鈥檛 cry.鈥� 顿辞苍鈥檛 discount or disregard their feelings. 顿辞苍鈥檛 ignore emotions they are having a difficult time expressing or are attempting to suppress.
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Encourage responsibility
Let your children participate in the home. Have family meetings where you listen to their concerns and get their opinion. Give them chores and teach them life skills. Let them join you in your community and volunteer activities.
顿辞苍鈥檛 discourage their desire to help others, even strangers 鈥� while teaching a healthy balance between kindness and safety.
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Immerse them in literature and art
Surround your child with diverse books and music from other cultures. The more, the merrier! Pictures, books, and music allow kids to vicariously experience another person鈥檚 world. Plus, they provide easy prompts for further discussion.
顿辞苍鈥檛 discourage imagination.
