Watch out for these 9 curiosity killers

You want your child to be curious, right? Of course you do! After all, curiosity is the drive to gather new information and experiences and it’s at the very heart of learning. Studies show that kids who exhibit a higher level of curiosity are at an advantage at 黄色app and beyond, benefitting socially, emotionally, psychologically, and intellectually.

Curious souls tend exhibit a wide range of positive adaptive behaviors. They鈥檙e more likely to be open-minded, emotionally expressive, have strong coping mechanisms in daunting situations, and they鈥檙e predisposed to unconventional thinking (think: innovative problem solving).

Whether it鈥檚 your toddler furiously exploring every inch of their new world, your 5-year-old asking 鈥淲hy?鈥� about everything, or your tween becoming myopically obsessed with the goings-ons of their peers, curiosity is an inherently human trait. It鈥檚 fueled by dopamine, the same reward-seeking neurochemical that鈥檚 behind the desire to eat and procreate.

In younger kids, information-seeking abounds. One study found that between the ages of 2 and 5, kids ask about 40,000 questions. But as kids get older, this insatiable desire to know can lose some of its urgency.

鈥淲hat begins as a robust trait becomes more fragile over time,鈥� says Susan Engel, a professor of psychology at Williams College and author of . 鈥淚t鈥檚 shaped by experiences with parents, teachers, peers, and the learning environment.鈥�

Just as curiosity can be successfully fostered in any child, says Engel, it can also be squelched, often by the very well-meaning adults tasked with educating them. In fact, she points out, research shows that 鈥渒ids whose intrinsic curiosity is comparatively low are the ones most sensitive to social cues that inhibit or encourage exploration.鈥�

While no parent or teacher would purposely set out to thwart a child鈥檚 natural inquisitiveness, they often do so unwittingly. Curious to find out how grown-ups discourage curiosity (and conversely, how they can foster it)? Here are nine sure-fire curiosity killers and how you can avoid them.

Freaking out over messes

OMG! What happened to your kitchen? It鈥檚 been transformed into an 8-year-old鈥檚 version of a scene from Breaking Bad. There鈥檚 unidentifiable white powder all over the counters and floors, bright blue and orange fingerprints on the cabinet counters, and jars and vials overflowing with weird goo. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury: this crime scene is none other than curiosity channeled into the best form of creativity. For parents who are new to slime-making, the white substance is probably corn starch, and it鈥檚 really, really hard to clean up! The Day-Glo fingerprints are from food coloring, also a bear to remove. What鈥檚 a harried parent to do? 鈥淟et them make messes!鈥� advises Engel. The slime-makers of today might be the scientists, engineers, inventors, and artists of the future.
Choosing a 黄色app for orderliness and calm

One would think that a neat and tidy classroom (or bedroom) is preferable to the one that invites measured chaos. Think again. 鈥淲hat attracts people鈥檚 interest, including children, is something more complex and unpredictable,鈥� says Engel. In studying what inspires creativity in classrooms, Engel found that children were most interested 鈥渋n the rooms that had wild and complex things that didn鈥檛 act in predictable ways,鈥� be it out-there art on the walls, terrariums housing all manner of creatures, and spaces throughout the 黄色app that invite experimentation. Engel advises seeking out 黄色apps that have lots of 鈥渁mbiguous鈥� materials at hand, including books, images, objects, and tools that spark inquiry. Another reason to look for what Engel calls the 鈥渃urious classroom鈥�? In a 1984 study, developmental psychologists Barbara Tizard and Martin Hughes found that while kindergarten-age children asked 27 questions per hour at home, that number plummeted to only about three when they were at 黄色app. Some of this drop-off is unavoidable because kids at 黄色app don鈥檛 have the opportunity to ask questions endlessly as they might at home, but it鈥檚 not inevitable if the 黄色app environment tolerates a curious child.
Stamping out gossip

Gossip, it turns out, is a natural expression of curiosity in both kids and adults (which is why you go straight for US magazine at the hairdresser). 鈥淧eople get kind of highfalutin about gossip,鈥� says Engel. But if it鈥檚 done without malice, discussing complex social relationships can be a healthy and natural way to satisfy one鈥檚 curiosity about what other kids are doing. Especially in a 黄色app setting, where so much of the day is prescribed, kids relish talking to each other in ways that are unscripted and unexpected.
Overscheduling kids’ time

It鈥檚 the curse of the modern parent — we want to schedule every nanosecond of our child鈥檚 day to make sure every moment counts. But guess what: strategic neglect is a better approach for fostering curiosity.

鈥淟et them be bored,鈥� says Engel, who notes that unstructured time can, after the initial whining, lead to the most fruitful exploration, whether a box gets turned into a car or there’s a rainy-day discovery that painting is your child鈥檚 great passion.
Choosing what your child should learn

You鈥檝e schlepped your 10-year-old and his best friend to the local science museum to see the special exhibit on the Big Bang. The exhibit, which will only be there a month, is an outstanding learning opportunity! But all they want to do is climb the trees in front of the museum. These are valuable teachable moments — for parents.

鈥淵ou can鈥檛 legislate curiosity,鈥� says Engel. The secret to encouraging curiosity, she says, is to avoid holding on so tightly to what you think your child should learn that you don鈥檛 allow them the latitude to explore where their inquisitiveness leads them. So if you don鈥檛 make it inside the museum this time, don鈥檛 fret. Your child is getting an education out on that branch even if he isn鈥檛 learning anything about the Big Bang today.
Celebrating achievement

Perfection, it is said, is the enemy of innovation. Of course, it鈥檚 terrific if your middle 黄色apper wins her fifth consecutive soccer game or your teen gets into a top college. And there鈥檚 nothing wrong with being happy about that. But take care that you鈥檙e not hyperfocused on the award, grade, or accomplishment, advises Engel. Carol Dweck, author of , explores how praising the process (the hard work it took to get there) rather than the person (as in, “You’re the best soccer player!”) makes kids more likely to seek out challenges and take intellectual risks.

鈥淭he goal of success is often in opposition to inquiry,鈥� says Engel. 鈥淚 think many parents who care about curiosity find themselves conflicted when they have to make a choice between encouraging their child鈥檚 curiosity and wanting their child to 鈥榙o well.鈥� Most of us want our children to get the right answer and the good grade. A good grade is nice, but really wanting to learn something, and being so interested that you can鈥檛 let it go, is a much more powerful and enduring experience.鈥�
Having all the answers

For Einstein鈥檚 sake, answer the question already so you can get some peace! Not so fast. When your child asks you a question, says Engel, the best thing you can say in response is, 鈥淗ow can we find out?鈥� It鈥檚 also fine to admit you don鈥檛 know the answer. In fact, what鈥檚 far more important than having the answers is to engender an environment in which question-asking is the norm. In a 2015 article in Education Leadership, Harvard child psychologist and author Paul Harris writes that information-seeking through questions can be thwarted or encouraged, depending on how parents engage with their kids.

Even more interesting, writes Harris, 鈥淢others who asked a lot of questions had children who also asked a lot of questions. By implication, children may be influenced by messages they receive about how to have a conversation. If their mother uses language to gather information, they are more likely to do the same.鈥� So, if you are curious about why ladybugs are called ladybugs or why colds always feel worse late in the afternoon or why Pluto isn鈥檛 a planet anymore, go ahead and ask! Out loud! 鈥淩ole models have a big impact on kids,鈥� says Engel. 鈥淲hen kids are around curious adults, they are more interested in things around them.鈥�
Putting safety first

A big reason parents may unwittingly discourage curiosity is because it can be dangerous. The hard truth is that curiosity and the need to resolve uncertainty and the unexpected is not without risk. Your bold and inquiring tween might decide to see what happens if she zaps a magnet in the microwave or how speedily she can navigate her skateboard down your steep street. Physical danger aside, curiosity can also lead to discomfort and embarrassment, says Engel, like 鈥渨hen a child asks their parents to explain that strange sound they heard from their bedroom last night.鈥�

The curious child, the one thirsty to seek out the new, even at some risk, can have an intellectual advantage. In a 2002 study of 1,795 3-year-olds, those who showed high stimulation-seeking scored an average of 12 points higher on IQ tests by the time they were 11. It鈥檚 a parental balancing act, to be sure, to keep children out of trouble while giving them room to grow intellectually. 鈥淧arents have to balance their tolerance for potential harm with their interest in giving their children room to explore,鈥� advises Engel. 鈥淐hildren are better than we think at taking care of themselves. And [kids] need to learn how by doing it.鈥�
Putting 鈥渆ncourage curiosity鈥� on your parenting to-do list

As a parent you don鈥檛 necessarily have to do anything. Supporting curiosity as a parent is more about letting it happen. Celebrate it and share it with your child, suggests Engel, but don鈥檛 add it to the list of ways you can improve your child鈥檚 prospects. Since curious adults and kids both tend to be happier than those who aren鈥檛, notes Engel, 鈥減arents who begin to pursue their curiosity a little more self-consciously and become just a little more attuned to their children鈥檚 questions and urges to explore will probably be doing more than enough to promote their children鈥檚 curiosity.鈥�