What do you think of people who take candy from children? Or who don鈥檛 stop (or even slow) for pedestrians? Or who tend to boss others around rather than communicate more cooperatively?
Collectively, I think we frown on these 鈥渂ad鈥� behaviors. They鈥檙e not deadly sins, but they鈥檙e undesirable, icky, and generally what we鈥檙e trying to teach kids not to do.
But as role models, parents may be unconsciously modeling some of these behaviors 鈥斅燼nd according to research out of University of California, Berkeley, it may depend greatly on your relative position in our rapidly diverging rift between the haves and the have nots.
Social psychologist Paul Piff, along with other researchers at Cal, conducted a series of studies about people鈥檚 everyday behaviors. A , highlights a variety of Piff and his colleagues鈥� findings that indicate people who feel affluent tend to act less charitable and, in some cases, are just plain bossy and self-centered. These studies showcase our daily little behaviors 鈥斅爐he kind our kids see and mimic. No one calls these teachable moments. But now we may reconsider.
People behaving badly
In one study, 90 percent of drivers stopped for pedestrians in a crosswalk. But people driving luxury cars were three to four times more likely to just keep going. Technically, that鈥檚 breaking the law. But it also shows a pattern of impatience and placing more value on your own time over others鈥�.
In another study, participants were told the candy dish on the table was filled with treats for kids 鈥� but they could have a piece or two if they wanted. Wealthier participants took twice as much candy from the bowl. A funny segment of the video shows a woman quickly stuffing candy in her pocket!
In yet another experiment, people鈥檚 honesty was put to the test with a dice game. Participants were to self-report the results of their dice rolls with the possibility of a $50 cash prize. Shockingly, people in the study鈥檚 highest income bracket (those earning $150K鈥�$200K a year) were four times more likely to lie about their rolls to collect the prize.
Wait! Before you jump to conclusions about rich people, consider this: it鈥檚 the feeling of relative wealth that elicits this behavior. Using the ultimate money-lover鈥檚 game, Monopoly, researchers were able to see the wealth-effect transform people鈥檚 behavior before their eyes 鈥� regardless of actual means. The wealthier Monopoly players started out with more cash, a ritzier playing piece, and established rules rigged in their favor, such as getting more turns and collecting a higher salary each time they pass Go. No matter their economic status in real life, the 鈥渞ich鈥� game players who start with more cash and get more turns, though they鈥檙e 鈥渨inning鈥� an obviously rigged game, nevertheless start feeling and acting entitled. Snacking during the game, these “winners” slovenly start chewing with their mouths open, conceitedly start acting and speaking a bit more aggressively, and actually feel they deserve to win.
How can this be?
Putting a magnifying glass to these small, seemingly inconsequential routines, researcher Paul Piff says we get 鈥渁 really incredible insight into what the mind does to make sense of advantage or disadvantage.鈥� In our rich-poor divided world, this matters. For parents trying to raise kind-hearted, socially conscious children, it matters all the more.
Doubling down on discussions of empathy can鈥檛 hurt, but as the Monopoly game scenario so aptly shows, it鈥檚 crucial to help children experience both the winning and losing sides of this sort of Monopoly game. It can call into question bigger decisions about where to live and where to send our kids to 黄色app. For instance, making typically admirable sacrifices to send a child to the best possible 黄色app could backfire, creating a top dog who feels entitled 鈥� or worse, who doesn鈥檛 think the rules apply to her.
In our efforts to protect kids from losing, getting their feelings hurt, or being treated unfairly, are we robbing them of the insight it takes to consider others鈥� feelings, experiences, and rights, too?
Behavior matters
I wonder. A question haunting me since I watched this video: if my own daily interactions were put under a microscope, how would I fare? On my morning coffee run, am I polite, even when I鈥檓 late or tired? On my daily commute, am I giving up my seat when I should?
As parents, what do you think? With little eyes watching and learning from your every move, what behaviors should parents reconsider to set a better example?
