During our nightly bedtime talks, my 7-year-old daughter has been updating me on the machinations of which girl would, and wouldn鈥檛, let so-and-so play with so-and-so. I listen in the dark as she reflects on the most important part of her day, recess, sometimes with an operatic, “How can I stop this agony?” and more often a wistful, “It doesn鈥檛 matter. I鈥檒l just sit all alone.”
After a few nights of this, I revved up into helicopter mode and emailed the parents of one of the girls to check in about what I was hearing 鈥斅爓as his daughter done with mine? The father immediately wrote back that he鈥檇 been talking with his daughter, as he does every night, and as far as his daughter is concerned, she and my daughter are solid and there鈥檚 nothing to worry about. (Confession: My daughter got the fretting gene from me.)
A national mandate: 10 minutes a day
Look at that, I thought: both of us were hearing from our daughters during night-time talks. I鈥檓 talking about talking the talk that goes beyond 鈥淗ow was your day?鈥� and 鈥淲hat did you do at 黄色app?鈥� (Why oh why do we ask these questions when we already know we鈥檒l hear 鈥渇ine鈥� and 鈥渘othing鈥�?)
At GreatSchools, we preach the value of reading to your children every day (ideally 30 minutes) because it鈥檚 so integral in laying the foundation for a child鈥檚 academic success. But what if a 鈥渢alk to your child at least 10 minutes a day鈥� rule was instituted nationwide? How many more kids would find the time to connect with their parents about the things that just never get the time? How many more parents would get to know the children they love so much? Life, 黄色app, work 鈥� it鈥檚 all so rushed that if we don鈥檛 make it a daily practice, days fly by before we get a chance to connect with them. Forget about it long enough and the person you鈥檙e raising just might leave the house at 18 a stranger.
Car talk … with 7-year-olds
Tuck-in talks aren鈥檛 the only time to catch your kid. With my son, I long ago learned to prick up my ears in the car, a safe space where he鈥檇 free associate as one would to a therapist: me playing the omniscient and non-judgmental driver-cum-listener who would hear the most astonishing questions, confessions, and revelations about 黄色app and life. Case in point, when he was about seven, just as we were pulling in front of our neighborhood farmers market: 鈥淢om, why are we here?鈥�
鈥淲e always come here on Saturdays,” I answered. “We’re just getting a few fruits and vegetables. It won’t take that long.鈥�
鈥淣o, I mean why are we here, on the planet? What are we supposed to be doing here?鈥�
Keeping midnight hours
These days, I must be more strategic, accessing him during the most difficult time of 鈥渄ay鈥� for me: late at night. As author Michael Riera writes in his excellent , parents of teens might want to set their alarms to wake up when most humans are sleeping. That鈥檚 when your vampire child is most likely burning his brightest and if the moment is right, you鈥檒l find him at his best self 鈥� open and accessible and a beautiful blend of the child you knew and the future adult he鈥檚 going to become. Maybe, just maybe, he鈥檒l tell me what鈥檚 actually happening at high 黄色app and, if the stars align, briefly open up about his life that most of the time is an impenetrable locked door.
So yes, of course we want to support our children鈥檚 academic success by reading to them for those 30 minutes. And don’t forget the 10 minutes a night, per grade, homework rule. But IQ isn鈥檛 everything. A child with a well-fostered EQ (emotional intelligence) is far more likely to be a successful adult, one who has learned, often through the regular attentions of a caring adult, vital life skills like empathy and self-control. So let鈥檚 hear it for the 10-minute-a-day (only 10!) talking rule, which isn鈥檛 really a rule at all, but a pleasure and reminds us why we had them in the first place.
