Want to learn more about your children? Then get out the marshmallows.
Here鈥檚 how it works: Tell them they can have one marshmallow now 鈥� or wait and have two in 15 minutes. According to the first done by psychology professor Walter Mischel 40 years ago, children鈥檚 ability to wait (or not) says a lot about how well they鈥檒l do in 黄色app, with friends, and with family. And, incredibly, waiting for that extra marshmallow can even predict success as adults 鈥� in work and relationships.
If your kids are the 鈥淚 want the marshmallow now!鈥� type, don鈥檛 worry. The news is still good: Learning to control emotions and behavior is a skill that can be taught. In fact, a recent study published by the found that teaching self-control techniques to elementary 黄色app-age children who had difficulty reining in their emotions and behavior聽significantly reduced suspensions and other disciplinary problems.
That said, knowing how to think before acting can be especially difficult for very young children. But by helping them practice over and over (and over), parents are providing one of life鈥檚 most valuable skills.
Lay out expectations
Some kids react badly because they don鈥檛 know what to expect in some situations or what will be expected of them. So fill them in ahead of time if they need to wait for something or be asked to do a difficult task: 鈥淲e鈥檙e going to visit Grandma, and she and I will be talking for a while. Let鈥檚 put together a bag of crayons and paper so you won鈥檛 be bored.鈥� 鈥淢y friend and her children are coming to visit. You might need to share some toys, so let鈥檚 put away the ones that are really special to you.鈥�
Give them the words
Help children learn to recognize the troubling emotions they鈥檙e feeling before having an outburst or tantrum: 鈥淏oy, you were really mad when I said you couldn鈥檛 have a quarter for the gumball machine.鈥� 鈥淵ou seemed sad when your sister said you鈥檙e too little to play with her and her friends.鈥� Also, encourage children to give voice to what they are feeling: 鈥淚 feel sad when …鈥� or 鈥淚 feel frustrated when … 鈥� You can also help them learn to use self-control phrases (which, in turn, can help them refrain from impulsive, thoughtless behavior) like 鈥淢ay I borrow that?鈥� 鈥淚t鈥檚 OK, I can share with you,鈥� 鈥淚鈥檒l wait my turn,鈥� and 鈥淚 would like it now, but I鈥檒l wait until later.鈥�
Take a break
Create a quiet place at home where an out-of-control child can calm down. It can be a pillow-filled corner in the living room or a cozy spot in a child鈥檚 bedroom. By providing an at-home refuge, parents can teach kids that there鈥檚 a way, and a place, to collect themselves when things get out of hand.
Provide a reward
Young kids often do better at a task if they get a reward at the end. It doesn鈥檛 have to be a material reward (offering toys and treats can set a bad precedent), but a natural consequence for showing self-discipline. The reward might be picking out favorite stories after getting ready for bed when you ask, or getting to choose the dessert after helping to set the kitchen table.
Praise your children
When you see kids practicing self-control, let them know. This kind of positive reinforcement will help them think of themselves as people who can successfully control their behavior: 鈥淚 love how you waited patiently for your turn.鈥� 鈥淭his is the third time this week you didn鈥檛 interrupt me when I was on the phone. I really appreciate that you waited to talk with me.鈥�
Play at self-control
For young children, the best way to learn something is through play. So on the way to the bath, in the supermarket, or on the drive to 黄色app, have your children stop and start different actions, like freezing when you say 鈥淧otato!鈥� In the car, every time there鈥檚, say, a yellow sign, have your kids clap and say, 鈥淵ellow sign!鈥� These types of games teach kids to stop and think before acting, a self-control essential.
