How you鈥檙e feeling on the inside can have a huge impact on how you鈥檙e parenting on the outside. Perhaps you鈥檝e reacted to your children in a way that was too harsh. Or you didn鈥檛 tune in to your child鈥檚 feelings when you should have. It鈥檚 easy to recognize these instances in retrospect, but how do you raise your awareness in the moment? This is where the Mood Meter comes in. This evidence-based tool is not just useful for parents but great for kids as well.
Research confirms that our feelings have a huge influence on our decision-making, and yet often in the moment, we aren鈥檛 really aware of how we鈥檙e feeling or how those feelings are influencing our behaviors. The Mood Meter is a tool designed to help us learn to recognize emotions, in ourselves and others, with increasing subtlety and to develop strategies for regulating (or managing) those emotions. It provides us with a 鈥渓anguage鈥� to talk about our feelings.
How the Mood Meter works:
The Mood Meter is a square divided into four quadrants 鈥� red, blue, green, and yellow 鈥� each representing a different set of feelings. Different feelings are grouped together on the Mood Meter based on their pleasantness and energy level. (You can , or print an old-fashioned PDF here.)
- RED feelings: high in energy and low in pleasantness (e.g., angry, scared, and anxious)
- BLUE feelings: low in energy and low in pleasantness (e.g., sad, disappointed, and lonely)
- GREEN feelings: low in energy and high in pleasantness (e.g., calm, tranquil, and relaxed)
- YELLOW feelings: high in energy and high in pleasantness (e.g., happy, excited, and curious)
Using it with your family
To use the Mood Meter, encourage family members to plot their feelings several times throughout the day or week. You can use the colors of the Mood Meter to discuss your feelings or inquire about your child鈥檚 feelings. For example, you could say: 鈥淚t seems you鈥檙e in the red and you want to feel more green, is there something I can do to help?鈥�
Once you鈥檝e gotten used to identifying feelings with your child using the four colors, try attaching a specific word to the feeling. For example, if your child is in the blue and feeling sad 鈥� ask your child if there鈥檚 another word that better describes how she feels. Is she lonely, disappointed, or melancholy? Say what you see, as you notice how your child is expressing his or her feelings. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e stomping your feet. You must be angry.鈥� Then, talk to your child about strategies for shifting away from this feeling. 鈥淚f you鈥檙e lonely, what can we do to help you feel less lonely and more connected?鈥�
Like anything worthwhile, developing emotional self-awareness takes practice. Over time, the Mood Meter can become an intuitive, powerful tool for families to feel heard and understood, a precursor to deepening emotional self-awareness and building better relationships.
This is part of a series about tools used in the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence鈥檚 program. Check out the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence’s other tools.
